Celebrating through guilt

I am in a coffee shop in town, coming from running around at work. Earlier I got a call from my sister that my mother is sick. Immediately I felt tense and stressed. Her condition has been going on for a while now. She has been in and out of hospital. So I decided to drive home to get her. I felt angry, on my way, that my life is always on this plane of urgency.

I felt: when do I rest and breathe. I decided to rebel against this urgency. I decided to turn around and head to the mall. For that moment I forced to choose me. I got in Mugg & Bean. Just the music in the place and the smell of coffee made me feel home and relaxed my nerves. The sight of homely wood furnishings and the friendly waiters, the neatly packed dishes and displayed cakes behind the counter; made me feel home I wanted to cry.

But the thought that I still had to go home and find a doctor lingered. That’s when I started writing this article to delay going home and savour the moment…While relaxed and enjoying my cake and chai tea, I realized God has blessed me a lot . All I wanted he gave me. The moment opened my eyes to see that I am missing out on celebrating because the enemy preoccupies my mind with fear, that if I let go something bad will happen. At that point I realized our battle and victory is in the mind. One has to keep choosing to celebrate over and over again. We are called to celebrate Christ, Psalm 150 :1-6, Psalm 118:24.

When I got home, she was not as bad as I imagined. I chose to take a bath and bathed my baby, instead of being tensed up by time that was running out. Eventually the three of us got in a car and it was only 30 minutes left before the surgery closed. When that anxious feeling wanted to come back I reflected on my victory to celebrate instead of worrying about rushing to the doctor. We arrived 10 minutes before 5pm.

While sitting in the waiting room, I felt happy about my ‘small’ victory. I felt victorious and realized how the enemy wanted to steal my afternoon and sink me into worry and guilt. I learnt time is irreversible and what we do with it is important. There will always be things to worry us, but if we don’t choose to celebrate in the midst of worry and guilt, we’ll find ourselves with few happy memories. We need to fight and know that Christ gave us joy which is our strength. John 10:10, 2Corinthians 10:4-7, Psalm 84:7, Psalm 28:8.

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